Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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