i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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