I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
