she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
