I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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