I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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