Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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