I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
