Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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