my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
