Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
NoShamevember. You game?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
