White coat. Heels.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
