We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
