then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
