he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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