Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
