people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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