I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
