You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
