i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
