Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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