Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
