So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize