as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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