Your mouth is God's brothel.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
