i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
