Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
