So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
