this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
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You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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