I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
