i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
