something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
