I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
