I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
