Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
