i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
