its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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