last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there was a trapeze. enough said
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
