i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
