i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
