I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
