Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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