I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
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Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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