We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
