My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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