You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
