He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
