Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
