Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
