His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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