Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Randomize
