Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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