There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
