that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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