Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize