so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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