this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
