You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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