I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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