Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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