she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
