I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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