Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
