so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
