Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
