How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
how does that bad decision feel?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
