I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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