that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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