so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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