I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.