so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
one might say we're banned from that church
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
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I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.